Growing pains are rough, and not just the kind that you get when you’re 13 years old and wake up feeling like someone put you on a medieval stretcher. Though, that is sort of similar to what I’m talking about. The past couple of weeks have been pretty tough for multiple reasons. Those reasons have compelled me to look at my life, at who I am, and evaluate if I am living as the best version of me. The answer came quickly, not in a demeaning way, but in a “you could do better, you SHOULD do better” sort of way. I realized that I have been failing to cultivate the relationships around me. I have been taking the people in my life for granted, all the while keeping them at a distance because that is much easier for me to control than to let someone in. Have you ever noticed that when you try to control everything around you it suddenly becomes less fun? Well. My art began to lack passion. My relationships became boring and surface level. I fought with my family. I was miserable at work. Nothing was going MY way, so in my mind that meant it was a failure. Not only was I trying to control everything around me, but I was comparing myself to everyone around me. My heart became bitter and sour because I was fixing my eyes on the wrong thing. I was in church this week and our pastor brought up the subject of comparison: “God has made us and created us to be ourselves. We aren’t supposed to be a version of somebody else; we are supposed to be the best versions of ourselves. Comparison fades away when we begin to seek the Lord and be known by Him.” It can sound cheesy, but man oh man, is it the truth. Not a week before that sermon, I was getting dinner with a new friend after a particularly rough day and she spoke similar words. We get so scared of being ourselves, turning out like our parents, or repeating our past that we forget that there are beautiful parts of ourselves that are so worth loving and embracing. I would rather be the very best version of myself than continue to fight to be someone else. I want to trust and love the people around me, not continuously push them away.
I have decided to push forward and spend more time with the people I love while doing the things that I am passionate about. All of this is going to look very different than it did before, with one of those differences being that Woolgather is going to be heading in a different direction. I will be creating art on an absolute one-of-a-kind basis under my own name. This means that I will no longer be offering wholesale/consignment agreements and will be shutting down my online shop for the time being. This may sound strange and counterproductive, but I assure you, creating art and not just a product is something I feel very strongly about. These changes are going to allow me to spend more time with my friends and family, creating thoughtful pieces, and getting to practice some of my other hobbies (taking ballet in your mid-twenties is hard, you guys).
I am so incredibly thankful for the friends, family, businesses, customers, and complete strangers that have supported me these past few years. You guys mean everything to me and I love this insanely creative and caring community that I get to be a part of. I will continue to post inspiration and life happenings on this blog from time to time, so I hope you continue to follow along.
“I am seeking,
I am striving,
I am in it with all my heart.”
Vincent Van Gough